The UPs DOWNs and ICKY bits of becoming a Single Dad

Messy Blogging and letting the Cat Out of the Bag

2010-02-25T11:22:00.000+11:00

My blogging has been all over the place for the last couple of weeks mainly due to house-sitting and travelling to Sydney.

So if you are a regular reader (doubtful there are any), just check back over my February blogs as I have several posts in draft form that will be posted on the date I STARTED them, not on the day I actually POST them.

Promise I'll be all up to date by the end of this week.

Also, I can't believe how excited my Dad is at the moment. And Val actually!

Val was at some quilting thing on the weekend with all her quilting girlfriends when someone bought a big Fed Ex box on stage..... lest to say they all had a really good giggle over that!

Dad was telling me last night that he is doing a speech at my step-sister's wedding this weekend and that he is going to mention that there's another grandchild in the oven (my brother's) and also one in the mixing bowl (mine!).

Also last night Dad was talking to my Aunty Maureen in NSW and updating her on all the stuff going on when he said that they're excited that the first baby will be born in early August and then mine will hopefully be along in January as I'm doing surrogacy. He said all that before I had a chance to say I hadn't told her.

I have no problem people finding out. If you read my Facebook posts, you would eventually be able to figure it out anyway. I'm not keeping it secret, just haven't openly advertised it to the world yet, but I suppose so many people know now and there is so much being said here there and everywhere, that instead of waiting until there's a guaranteed pregnancy, I suppose I might just let everyone know now.

I mean, considering the Bucket Gang will be posting stuff left right and centre during March, it ain't gunna take people long.

Let the gossip begin!

The Eagle has Landed

2010-02-25T11:09:00.000+11:00

Thanks to Craig for the title to this blog post. Well it's been quite a roller coaster ride but our bucket is finally in New Delhi. It landed at New Delhi at 7.11 am (1.41am New Delhi time) this morning!

I can't believe it's actually there. If I had more hair, it would be truly standing on end by now.

My Parenting Style

2010-02-24T15:25:00.000+11:00

One of the biggest criticism I have had over the years is that I shouldn't criticise someone's parenting style as I am not a parent. Well that's gunna change isn't it. So in a years time I will enter that hallowed knowledge and be able to freely criticise to my hearts content AND I will be an expert, I will obviously receive some transfusion of knowledge somewhere along the way.....perhaps my own version of colostrum.

But because I will be a parent my opinion will be untouchable and I will do no wrong. Pfffttt! Whatever!

Even as a non-parent I can tell a crappy parent from a good parent. Living in Werribee, I have seen PLENTY of examples of bad parenting. From the nuff-nuffs wearing their expensive Holden/Ford jackets walking down the street with a tinnie in their hand while grotty Shaneequaya sits in the pusher in ill-fitted salvo clothes slurping on some fruit drink that has a WHOLE 5% real fruit to the child strapped into their baby seat while mum speeds through the local school zone with a ciggie in her hand. Aaah, the joys of going to bed drunk and waiting up pregnant (let's call this DP for short).

So this blog post is some of my parenting ideas. I'll update it every now and again so it will keep bubbling to the top.

Some of these will seem blatantly obvious, others may seem a little weird. I doubt there is anyone out there that will agree with EVERYTHING that I say (well there is one person), and if you don't agree then that is the joys of being a parents.

1. You should tell children you love them - sounds logical and yet I have heard many parents tell their kids that they hate them, that they ruined their life - aah the side effects of DP.

2. Children shouldn't be exposed to alcohol. I don't drink and there is no alcohol in my house. And don't expect there to be any drinking at parties/BBQs at my house. Is this a little strong handed? Perhaps, but just because our society has become so immune to the effects of alcohol doesn't mean I have. I don't want my children to think alcohol is part of everyday life. I recently met Bachar Houli (Essendon football player) whose sister lives next door to my parents. This is a guy that has reached the elite level of the AFL and doesn't drink. Is it because he is a muslim? Perhaps. Is it because he grew up in an alcohol free family? Perhaps. Is it because he had the personality and will to stand against the peer group pressure of his footy mates. Definitely!

3. Don't even think of smoking anywhere near my child. I detest smoking. I have actually stopped dating guys because they smoked. I find it funny that people have trouble with the gay community and yet will happily choof away on a cancer stick with little thought of those around them. So don't even expect to handle my children if you have been smoking. If you are that addicted, then let me introduce you to a concept....walk around the block and take your stink with you....the wash your hands and pop a mint before you come near me.

4. Children should show respect. Wow this is a biggie as it covers a lot of ground. So yes, there is the bit about please and thankyou's. The bit about not interrupting when grown-ups are talking. But I am most old-fashioned about children addressing adults with respect. When I grew up I was unable to call adults by their first name. All of the adults in my life were aunts and uncles. All the neighbours in my street, parent's friends...everyone. So get used to it. No exceptions. You're either an aunt, an uncle or a Mr, Mrs or Miss. You are not a friend or equal of my child, you are a role-model, a leader, a teacher.

5. My brother once told me of friends that were proud as punch that their little 3 y.o. recognised McDonalds and would ask for it when they drove past the golden arches. Now I love McDonalds, so this might seem a double standard, however I am an adult and am making decisions with all the facts in hand. My children can't. So don't expect my kids to be attending the local birthday party at McDonalds. Talk about a perfect marketing ploy to hook them young. No happy meals with a 3c toy will be gracing my child's palate. I will even extend this healthy eating down to those bloody worthless fruit drinks. Some parents should read up on how much sugar those things contain and how much you should feed a child. The American Academy of Paediatrics recommends only between 110 to 177mls per day - that's less than a cup! And that should be 100% juice not the nutrition-less fruit drink that has as much value as Coke.

6. Tolerance. LOL! How could they not be? They will be half-Indian with a single gay dad...talk about copping it from all directions. Guaranteed they will be more tolerant the children of bigoted parents that wrap their intolerances in religion.

7. TV and computer games are for fat kids. Yep the studies prove it. Society shows it. If you start using TV as a pacifier or baby-sitter then accept that you are setting your kid up for failure. Children have the most active and powerful imaginations and you are only stunting that by have their natural instincts smothered by these mediums. Now, sure, not all TV programmes and computer games are bad but honestly there are hundreds of millions of kids on this planet that get by without them. I went to high school with a girl that grew up in a house without TV. I always thought it such a radical concept. But I would seriously consider it now. Maybe it is my own selfishness that would keep my TV....hmm food for thought.

We Have Lift Off

2010-02-22T21:35:00.002+11:00

WOW! How exciting is this. Our canister (aka the bucket) has left Bacchus Marsh and is on its way to Sydney. I'm so excited, I can't believe something concrete is happening.

Also got the results for my second deposit. 16 straws. Taking my tally to 38, which is what I estimated. Wow that is a lot of fertility about to wing its way to India.

The Nile Delta

2010-02-19T21:33:00.006+11:00

Got home from work today to a nice surprise. A letter from Sydney Andrology with my results!

Well not full results like an analysis, that has gone to my Doctor. This letter just told me how many "straws" I had from my first deposit.

22!

Wow! Let me tell you, that is a lot! If I had known I'd perform that well, then I wouldn't have bothered about the second deposit. Could have saved myself the money and had a lot of fun in Sydney - I wasn't short on offers, just on performance-ability!

So now the wait for the second deposit. Less days to recharge, so won't be as good, but I'm thinking about 38 to 40 all up!

Considering that Dr S will only need one straw, that's a lot of backup that will be in the freezer. Better update my will to bequest them to someone I suppose!

Bye Bye Dougal

2010-02-19T11:36:00.004+11:00

Not having a good life when it comes to dogs. I miss my old dog Hoosier so much, but it's just not worth dealing with my ex to see him.

So as you know, I bought a new puppy and named him Dougal. I was due to pick him up this week (when I got back from Sydney). Unfortunately the breeder rang me last week on Thursday to tell me that Dougal had died the night before.

There had been a bad thunderstorm that hit Melton particularly hard and poor Dougal had panicked and tried to escape his enclosure. In doing so, he strangled himself to death. The breeder didn't find him until the next morning.

Don't get me started on about the breeder. He has since refunded me my deposit. He offered me a puppy from his next litter which was due this week.... different bitch and yet still that was a bit quick!

So I was back to where I started. I had everything ready, including toys, bowls, a bed, even dog food.

So today I decided to contact the breeders that we bought Hoosier from three years ago and they remembered me! They'd love to meet Hoosier, but I don't reckon my ex will let me take him over for a visit, so I sent over about nine photos.

They were very happy to sell me another puppy. Fortunately Hoosier's sister is about to be bred. She was due to going into heat in January but hasn't yet.

So lucky for me! Hopefully I get a dog just as beautiful and gentle as Hoosier. It will be his nephew or neice, which makes me very happy. The only problem is that I now have a wait for nearly five months. Hopefully they breed sometime in the next couple of weeks, two month pregnancy and then two months to wean.

Not perfect, I am very impatient to own a dog again, but will be worth the wait. Only problem is that puppy will only be about six months old when the baby(ies) arrive. A lot of training to fit in during that time.

Oh and now I have to think up another name. I love the name Dougal but just can't imagine my next dog having that name! Any ideas? Dog names are much more fun than baby names! LOL

E.H.B.E.D.U.I.B.N.M.

2010-02-16T21:14:00.001+11:00

Second Deposit

2010-02-15T21:15:00.016+11:00

So my time in Sydney is coming to an end. It has been a pretty boring weekend actually!

I've just finished my second deposit! Less abstinence, so less urgency! LOL

So what did I get up to in Sydney. Well, not a great deal. First off, what crap weather. The humidity is freaking ridiculous. On Friday I went through two t-shirts and escaped by going to the movies. And the RAIN.... I so jealous. Haven't seen rain like that for... oh I don't know - about a decade.

Most of the rest of my time was spent walking around, book shopping in my favourite bookshop ever and reading! I went through about four books. Anything to stop me hitting the pub... or worse meeting up with a couple of friends that I knew. So yeah Sydney was pretty boring. Guaranteed it won't be next time I visit.... Erik! LOL

So all my deposits are done. The most strenuous and time consuming part of this whole journey excepting the actual trip to India to meet my future son, daughter or sons and daughters.

It was great to catch up with everyone, including those that live in Victoria. Not sure when we will all coincide in the same place again.

First Deposit

2010-02-12T21:15:00.025+11:00

Oh God the pressure of performace!

Well I'm in Sydney. I got up this morning on only four hours sleep and bang! before I knew it I was standing in front of a non-descript office block in Kent Street, Sydney!

Well, it wasn't that easy! First, I sat down at the airport (exhausted) already and noticed that the only pair of shorts I had pack (and was wearing) for the whole weekend were putrid. I had spilt something on them and in the rush to leave my house sitting at Ms M's house yesterday morning, I had mixed them up with my clean clothes! DOH!

Secondly! Abstinence kills me! I never considered that I had a high sex drive, but when you KNOW you can't have it.... it really focusses the mind and you can't stop thinking about it! So let's just say that 'toey' does not even come CLOSE to how I feel.

So my whole transit to Sydney was flawless. I arrived an hour early for my appointment and that was even after I stopped and had breakfast at Sydney Airport. Within four hours of getting out of my bed, I was there!

I was also looking forward to meeting Mr NC who has come down from Newcastle for his part in this drama. Nice to put a face to a voice... funny how much we had already chatted and had still to meet.

I was lucky that they let me in early. You get your paperwork, go through a security door, past the laboratory windows to your own little room. I joked to NC that I was so eager that I could have filled a jar between the security door and laboratory window! LOL

So my little room was ....... nice! There's a bench with a sink. A chair (looking a little dentist like) and a TV on the wall! Little Room 4 was all mine for how ever long I needed.

Now considering this is something that I had been doing for......... well let's just round it out to a quarter of a century.... I still had to read the instructions!

I was a little bit disconcerted that one of the first things written down was this was the standard container size and that a larger one was available! WTF! So with a slight inferiority complex I got down to business!

... musical interlude!....

Talk about relief! The poor girl at the laboratory window where I handed over my little jar..... a bit hot, bothered, red faced and shaky! LOL Sure she is used to it!

Oh and a quick note for those that might have to do this in the future. BYO porn! I didn't even look, but supposedly it won't put you in the mood! Thank God for an iPhone!

The Meeting Place Again

2010-02-09T21:12:00.021+11:00

So I was back to where I started.... back in Carlton at The Meeting Place. It's hard to imagine that it was early October when I was here last and when I suppose I finally got my arse into gear.

My, how four months flies! Wow, it's hard to even try to recreate my frame of mind when I last came to this group.

So it was great to catch up with Mr TM and Mr CM from Mornington. Hadn't seen them since the Christmas Party.

There were a few new faces (not that I would know from my single previous attendence, but we all introduce ourselves). The subject matter changed from issues and experiences from surrogacy in India to whether we want to fomalise our little group into something more.

The best part of the evening was when we all went to dinner. Mr CM and I sat across from a couple that I would have to say were in the same place regarding their decision as I was when I first attended. They are just thinking about it and still trying to decide whether to take the plunge or not.

I'll tell you this much, Mr CM and I did our damndest to convince them. But I'm guessing the best argument that I had was simply, that there is never a good time to start. There will always be work pressures or money shortages or doubts... so you've just got to ignore all those things and bite the bullet.

I did! And even though I sometimes doubt whether I will cope. I doubt that I will ever have a sex or social life when I'm a single dad. I doubt I will even have enough money to see this thing through.

I never doubt that I'm following my heart!

Pizzas withs Dads

2010-02-07T20:31:00.001+11:00

It's a balmy Sunday evening in Melbourne and instead of cooking (surprise) I'm down getting a pizza. I'm sitting out the front waiting when a dad sits down with his son & daughter....and obligatory dog.

Then the other dad turns up. He was parking the car!

Aaah the post-nuclear family in it's natural habitat.

- Posted from my iPhone

A Weight Loss Goal

2010-02-07T19:03:00.003+11:00

Oh, the battle of the bulge! Will it ever end?

Well on the good side, since I was diagnosed with a severe allergy to garlic, my weight has stabilised for the first time since I was a teenager.

But I recently read an interesting article on childhood obesity (which I can't find now...doh!) that showed that children are more prone to weight problems if their parent of the same sex has weight problems.

I don't think I have come across a more compelling reason to lose weight before, especially if I have sons. I mean they're going to be AFL players (hope they don't get my flat feet!). So time for daddy(-to-be) to finally drop under that magic 100kgs - even aim for 95...maybe 90.

What's the plan! Well getting Dougal was a start-there's a 10 day countdown on that now! A border collie needs to be walked daily at a minimum, even better twice daily. I might even get back into running after a couple of years break.

Second, I finally get my own place again at Easter...and then there's no excuse. I get my own kitchen again. Whilst I love my parents, their diet is way different to mine.

I managed to drop 10kgs in 30 days in late 2008, then my whole life blew up......but I'm still 13kgs lighter than my heaviest.

So here's my pledge or idea. I have to the day they are born to lose the kilos. I know when I am a full time dad I won't have time or care about my weight, so it will have to be now or.....a long time in the future.

When will I start....well not today...I'm too tired. LOL. It definitely won't start until I get my own place either. So let's say we start the countdown when I'm given a countdown....that is when I am first told my due date. Believe me I'll be blogging on that day.

So I'll need you all to keep on my back over this. The greatest benefit of a 'gay' pregnancy is that I don't gain weight, I hopefully get to lose it.

Theories Busted and My Deposit Paid

2010-02-06T17:42:00.000+11:00

I actually had so much more that I wanted to write on Thursday night but caught up in my little rant and clear forgot! Seems to be happening a lot recently......

I know what you are thinking! Pregnancy hormones and memory! Yes that's what I put it down to. Being so close to being pregnant means that my hormones have gone off the deep end and I'm losing my mind already.

BUT WAIT...I hear you say (again) wasn't that theory just debunked (never mind the fact I'm a male and not pregnant). Well, yes scientists have disproven the pregnancy memory theory, or the fact that woman lose it during pregnancy.

Well I say they're wrong. I am clearly a prime example of this condition!

Anyway, I have now honestly forgotten what I was going to say again....oh yeah. My deposit FINALLY went off on Thursday. Thanks to Mr MT. I could only do it in a branch, he did it over the internet for me. So it is done! And official. Now I have to find a bucket load more of it.

It's actually made me have one of those 'reality flash' moments. I just realised that I have been ALL talk and no action on this baby front for so long. AND IT'S LESS THAN 12 MONTHS....OMG I'm yelling in my head a lot these days! Actually it is probably 11 months. I'm now so envious of the rest of the Bucket Gang, they (if all goes according to plan) are only 10 months from pooey nappies.

Which reminds me of something I read on some pathetic old man's blog recently....you know someone is pathetic and definitely past their use by date when they call gay people sodomites....LMGAO every time I see that! You also know that they have lost the argument when they fall back on quoting a work of fiction like the bible to regulate people's lives....a work which is written by man is as flawed as man!

God where was I? Bloody hormones....

Oh, I'm not buying a baby! It is easy for bigots to hide their intolerances behind semantics. Just because I am paying money does NOT mean I am buying a baby:

I am paying for IVF specialists, yes.
I am buying medical expertise, yes.
I am paying for the utilisation of medial facilities, yes.
I am compensating someone for their donation of eggs, yes
I am compensating someone for their time, effort and inconvenience to carry my child(ren) to term, yes.

Nowhere along the journey do I actually pay for a child.... If you want to fall back on semantics, then EVERY person pays for their children when they collect them from hospital....there's always a bill after all.

I am no more paying for a child than some devout catholic couple who spend several thousands (or tens of thousands) of dollars just to get married so they can have children. Each of us spend a lot of money and each of us will have children.

And as a single gay dad I can NEVER be as bad a parent as Kylie Eastwood.

My Blog is Boring

2010-02-05T09:35:00.000+11:00

Not what I write OBVIOUSLY!

I just realised that I look at other blogs with their fancy ads, tickers, and all that other crap and realise that mine has none of that.

Nice isn't it!

Nothing to distract you from ME ME ME!

Actually if I can ever get around to waffle less, I might actually learn how to spruce this up. But don't hold your breath.

Blog Clean Up and Publicity

2010-02-04T21:34:00.000+11:00

Just a quick note that I just read my ENTIRE blog. Wow, can I waffle on and on and on and on!!! LOL

Anyway, I had a read and edit to clean up the names I have been using. Why? Well the journalist that contacted me the other day (more on that soon) got me thinking that, naturally, my blog is in the public domain and therefore I have a duty to protect the identity of people that I might write about.

They have not written a blog or advertised their lives so blatantly. So that is why you read everyone as a Mr T or Mr P or my ex as Mr PMc (a little joke on his pet name). I guess his one for me would be along the lines of Mr U K San! LOL. Aaaaaannnnnnyyyyywwwwaayyy!

I would love to use everyone's names and share all that I know about them here, but that is not my place. It is also the reason I removed a photo of my ex and his nephew.

So back to the journalist (hi there!). I sent off an email today after having a think about it. I have sought some advice from Mr T, Mr NC and Mr MT as well. I suppose the first warning that comes up and what is foremost in my mind is that gay surrogacy is given quite a bad rap in the press.

And it is this double-standard that really gets my goat up? Is that the actual correct saying? Hhhmmm, be back in a minute....

OK, well thanks to Google, the saying is "Gets my goat!" So you learn something every day.

There has been an amazing story in Melbourne this week. Here is a person that I will name!

Kylie Eastwood.

THIS IS THE WORST MOTHER IN EXISTENCE! This pathetic excuse for a mother....someone I wouldn't even PISS on if she was on fire.....is 33 and has SIX children to FOUR fathers. (Sorry for the yelling!)

So this....mother...and God the word feels disgusting when I use it as a label for her...this mother is considered a "natural" parent by those more bigoted and religiously-devout. Why can I say this?

Well I will get to the reason why I hate this scum-bag so much in a minute.

EVERY TIME gay surrogacy is in the news, nearly every reporter (and I am not prejudging the nice lady at the other end of my recent email) feels the need to balance the story by wheeling out some upstanding member of a religious denomination (here's an interesting statistic from the 2006 census-64% of Aussies are christians and get this....31% have no religion or don't state any!) One of the recent "current affair" (term always used loosely these days) had an 'ethicist' as their counter-viewpoint.

Naturally as he was the counter-viewpoint, he concentrated on all the negative aspects. This counter-viewpoint usually concentrates on that 'unnaturalness' of gay parenting and surrogacy and how parents should be 'normal'... you know...a mother, a father, alcohol and a car backseat....ok well I embellish and digress.

So back to Kylie Eastwood.....I might start up a Facebook Page for her. She was given her THIRD suspended sentence (don't get me started on how pathetic our Labor state government has made a mockery of law and order after a decade in power) for getting her child drunk!

Yeah, she gave alcohol to her child. Now your first reaction might be....that's not so bad. Isn't it better to introduce your children to alcohol in the safety of their own home. I mean alcohol can't be that bad, it easily available and the worst thing it does is get you drunk.

WRONG! I really dislike alcohol. Why? Because people don't see it for what it is mainly and they also don't realise the damage it does to their body. I'm not a drinker. Never have been, never will be.

My children will be bought up in an alcohol-free home. (I've got a blog entry in draft on this). I will protect my children from alcohol. Firstly because they don't need it and secondly because it has been proven that alcohol damages brain development in children...right up to their early 20s when their brain finishes developing.

So to those parents that feel that letting their kids get drunk at 16 or 18 is part of growing up....I say GROW UP yourself. You are actually causing your child brain damage. Just get a fry pan out and belt them around the head every Friday night! It will probably do the same amount of brain damage and ...... oh the best bit! They will wake up with a major headache.....you can tell them it's a hangover.

Back to Kylie. She gave her son alcohol because she "just wanted to have a drink with her son because he likes his alcohol." So how old is he? 18 nope, 16 no, 14 I wish...10....not close!

FIVE! Yes five! And she says, "because he likes his alcohol". WTF! I mean WTF!

She gave him five shots of grappa, which was 44 per cent ethanol, leaving him barely able to speak or stand; his blood alcohol reading was .09. He had a hangover for two days! And I guarantee that he already has brain damage...he likes his alcohol after all... so it wasn't the first time.

So next time someone tells me I'm not fit to be a parent, or even thinks of questioning (even in the slightest) whether I or another gay man or woman is fit to be a parent, I WILL SHOVE KYLIE EASTWOOD DOWN THEIR THROAT.

There is now no argument! She has done more for gay rights than she will ever know!

And the icing on the cake! Not a single religious or ethical peep from anyone. Where is the counter-point now?

HYPOCRITES

Aah The Generation Gap with Surrogacy

2010-02-01T23:52:00.002+11:00

Classic line from Brothers and Sisters tonight when grandmother was speaking to the gay couple about surrogacy. "Who gets to sleep with the egg donor?" was her question! LOL

WOW! 1st of February hits with a Vengence

2010-02-01T23:51:00.001+11:00

Wow, what a day! Need to take a deep breath. So what happened?

Well my day started early. At 2.54am to be precise. I woke from what I can only describe as the worst dream of my life. It wasn't a horror or nightmare, but it was a dream that turned my world upside down and I have to say that it starred a person that I...hate...yeah hate! I don't hate many people, but I hate this person! So.....anyway, it really freaked me out.

Didn't get back to sleep for 2 hours!

The day didn't get better. I'm pretty much allergic to EVERYTHING...well sometimes it feels like everything:
tomatoes
legumes
soy
potato
dust mites
grass pollen
and especially garlic...well that one is actually a poison to me (1/25th vampire will do that).

So I have come up in the worst rash EVER. Add up most rashes I get from the heat and allergies and in a year they might come half way to how bad this is. It started off small, easily ignored, and has spread and spread. Yeah I know, GROSS! Covers my stomach and heading for my back....I'm being encircled by it. So after letting it get obviously out of hand I went to the doctor today and have been put on steriods. Yep I might have to hit the gym this week.

I don't I'll end up with any testicle shrinkage.....haha! So have had to send an email off to Dr S asking if there is a problem with this. A bit of research from Google told me that it is actually USED to help some male fertility problems. Maybe it can only do good. Hope so.

So any silver lining. Yep. I spoke to Trevor and asked him to getting me started ASAP. That still might not mean a start until April, but feels nice to actually say let's start.

I realised that there is a chance that the first cycle might not work and there might have to be more than one, so I may as well take the gamble. If it doesn't work then I won't have lost anything (except money and it evaporates no matter what).

If I am lucky, who am I to complain? I will be on my way to being a dad and honestly, nothing will stand in my way

And the topping on the cake? Well I got an email today from a reporter who had read my blog (hi there!) and thought it might be interesting to hear my story. Wow that was a bolt out of the blue. I have some reservations, guys wanting to be a parent through surrogacy has not always had the best run in the press. I'm not prejudging anyone but you can understand my wariness.

I'll tell you more when I know more.

Playmates

2010-01-31T13:27:00.001+11:00

I'm at the tail end of my cohort for having kids. From what I have seen, most of my friends who are the same age have had kids roughly around the age of 30-32. So yes, I am a bit slow on the uptake there.

It's a bit of a shame that my kids will not really knock around with any of their kids. Age differences that are minor to an adult are HUGE to kids. Probably the closest friend's kid to mine will be Archer. He'll be about 14 months older.

Of course there will be their cousins. Shannon and Julie are due in early August.....so six months older. And of course there will be their cousins from the bucket (oh I forgot to tell you that we have another single Bucket Gang member, Mr NI from Newcastle - so that brings to five sets of kids from the one bucket). There could be a number anywhere from four to eight kids that are only one or two months older. The closest of those will live on Mornington Peninsula with the others in Sydney (but perhaps LA in the future) and in Newcastle.

Then there are those friends that are getting ready and thinking about it. Mark, who I went to uni with, told me last year that he is probably a year or two away from kids. Ms M (whom I am currently housesitting for) is probably a bit further away.

I'm a big believer in joining "mother's groups" and networking with other parents. This is a great aid to meeting kids around the same age. I think that too many parents don't take advantage of this. I will definitely be taking advantage.

I don't have much to do with many of my 20 cousins. Most already have children. Some of those children are already in their early 20s. Maybe they'll be having kids soon.

My First School Prospectus

2010-01-30T10:26:00.001+11:00

Talk about putting the cart before the horse, but I rang Bacchus Marsh Grammar (BMG) this week and asked them to send out an information pack to me.

So I have received my first prospectus. It's a weird feeling as there is no child to be seen...yet, wow, there's not even an embryo, an egg or until this month a semen deposit!

However, I think one of the biggest positives within the gay dads community is the amount of effort and time we put into having kids. No matter how many criticisms people throw at us, they can't say we don't plan.

As easy as it would be (for so many) I didn't head out last night, drink a load of alcohol and wake up this morning pregnant!

So why am I doing THIS early. Simply put, there are some schools that have waiting lists. Yep and on those lists you must place your little bundle of joy BEFORE they are born!

BMG isn't one of those schools, however you do have to apply, and before you do that you should obviously do a tour of the school. So it's nice to get the info and tuck it away in the back of my mind. It is not the only school I am looking at and as I plan on living at Eynesbury by the time they start primary school. I may decide that they would be better suited there or at Mowbray College in Melton.

Who knows? But it pays to stay informed. Especially when the combined fees for 12 years is just shy of $50,000. Suppose it beats Geelong Grammar which would come in nearly triple that!

The Wait...oh The Wait

2010-01-28T23:42:00.000+11:00

I finished off all the little bits on my application form today and together with a copy of my test results and passport photo page, it's been sent. Now all I need to do is transfer my deposit......well I would, if Westpac would let me. But alas, not to be. Oh it's nice to have money in the bank, just not this time. Internet helpline closes at 6pm, so will have to ring them from work tomorrow. Joy!

Now it starts to become a waiting game. A pregnancy takes about 266 days....that's gunna be hell on Earth. So I guess a start with a shorter wait......about 87 days give or take until implantation. Oh how it will drag.

But I only now realise (with a little website calculation help) that is has been about 80 days since the dinner in early November that really got me started on this.....and honestly that has flown. The guys that I met that night (that have since become the Bucket Gang) STILL have to wait another 40 days just to get to their implantation date. So I'll be 50 days behind them. Their wait is longer than mine.

And yet saying that, it really is taking all my will to resist starting NOW. That's right, I WANT IT NOW DADDY! to quote a certain Willy Wonka visitor. Only my desire for the financial benefits of Paid Parental Leave is holding me back.

If someone can cough up an extra $4,000 problem solved.

Anyone?

Didn't think so!

Godparents

2010-01-27T23:42:00.064+11:00

Several months ago I remember reading an article in Time magazine about the task that faced a new father in choosing an appropriate family to look after his new born child. The article, though tongue in cheek, did cover an important subject, especially what should be done when you need to make that decision and the people you choose are not family.

So I have been thinking about this. As part of my application, I had to nominate two people who would look after my child(ren) if something were to happen to me before or just after they were born.

This is an important decision for me because I have some very strong and clear ideas on bringing up children (oh I haven't blogged that yet, but I will). Whilst I am happy to tell people what those ideas are, I also understand that everyone is entitled to bring their children up in the manner they see fit.

So I had to think about who would raise my child(ren) in the manner that would most resemble mine. And the list is extremely short.

My first option is my father. He, of course, did a great job with me. But as he will be turning 67 this year and has made it abundantly clear that he is happy to have grandchildren but not fulltime. In his own words he isn't as young as he was.

So I am really forced to find someone younger that would happily bring up my children, whether from birth or, God forbid, sometime during their childhood.

My next option would be for my ex, Mr PMc. We may not be together, but we were perfectly compatible. I know that he would make a great father and that he would give my child(ren) everything they needed and more and would do it in a manner that reflected my own. He also has a large extended family and they would never want for cousins and aunts and uncles.

However, this option is not available. Mr PMc has logically decided to move on with his life and I wouldn't burden someone who is only 21.

Maybe at this point you are thinking, what about my own brothers. Well, as much as I love them.....um no! Their own parenting styles would not reflect my own in the least. They are (or will be) great parents in their own right, they just do things so differently from me.

So that leaves my last, but by no means least choice. This is not a competition, I have to weigh up a lot when making this decision and the sad fact is that many parents ignore or forget about these sorts of decisions. We all hope that we will die a long way in the future and that everything will work out well....but I know from bitter experience that that is an extremely rare occurrence.

It is funny, because the best option for my children is the parents of my own Godson. Mr&Mrs AW have been friends for a very long time. I first met her in 1994 when I was working in London and met her husband not long after they first met.

When Mrs AW was pregnant with their first child she asked me if I would be willing to be the Godfather. I was extremely flattered. Along with Mr AW's sister I stood in a small church near Hamilton New Zealand in August 2005 and took on the responsibility. Unlike many people who pick and create Godparents willy nilly, Mr&Mrs AW are true believers in that Godparents have a stake and responsibility in their child's life.

So I rang Mrs AW on the weekend and asked her to consider this idea. It is a big ask because I am asking them to take on the responsibility for bringing up my children. They already have two and if I have twins, then that means an instant family of four kids. It is no small ask.

Most people would organise family to take on such a responsibility. In a way I am, part of my extended family....it takes a village to raise a child.

I don't plan on anything happening to me for at least....oh about 80 years....yep 80. I plan on skipping past 100 with dancing shoes on.

So time to tell my dad and rewrite my will. I might not own much but they'll need every cent. I spent the afternoon with everyone down at Barwon Heads yesterday and Mrs AW told me that they had discussed it and were understandably hesitant but extremely willing.

My First Email

2010-01-26T12:57:00.001+11:00

I woke up this morning to my first email from Dr S. For those that don't know, she is the fertility doctor in Delhi, the person that is going to help me to create a family. She is an extremely busy person and I am loath to bother her with every single query.

I emailed her yesterday for the first time to check whether I needed any more testing done and to check my full semen analysis and whether sending over two deposits is enough. The good news is that all is good. No need for a second test....yay, less abstinence.

She also attached some more info on my ED. She is a single 19 year old doing a Bachelor of Arts at Delhi University. She is 5"3' (160cm) and weighs 47 kg. She very slim with black hair and eyes. She's quite extroverted and loves reading.

So in the genetic lottery, hopefully my height trumps hers, her weight trumps mine and with two parents that are extroverted and love reading, who knows - loud kids that have a huge library! It's all totally luck, I am taller and way fairer than both my parents and brothers.

So that was another amazing way to wake up.

I also had a great night out last night at the Prince of Wales in St Kilda where I was introduced to Mr Bib's friend (Carla) as "the guy who is having kids!" For someone who didn't know me, she was amazingly excited by the whole idea.

It's funny though, it would seem my moniker is "the guy who is having kids!" I'd prefer "hot, single friend" but I'll take what I can get!

A Child Needs a Mother and a Father

2010-01-26T12:25:00.000+11:00

There are several criticisms or "concerns" that people bring up - either to my face or to a third-party. They nearly always revolve around the same points and very few of them are about me being gay....but that is usually the way as these people have usually known that I was gay for many years.

So the main "concerns" are usually about me being single. Me handling twins if they arrive. Money. My mental health. etc. But one of the most common concerns I hear, and predominantly from older people is that a child should have a mother AND a father.

I'm pretty sure that even the gay couples out there also hear this concern as well. So here are a few facts to help debunk that myth. And no, I'm not gunna quote some study, as there have been plenty of those and except for the ones that are skewed deliberately to reinforce a point of view, all of them have shown that a child having two parents of the same sex are, if not better, then extremely well-adjusted and usually have a higher tolerance of other people and differences.

So here are a few examples of people that were born to heterosexual parents and had both a mother and father during their upbringing......

The fourth child of Alois and Klara Hitler.....Adolf.

The third child of Besarion Jughashvili and Ketevan Geladze....Josef Stalin

Muhammed bin Laden and his tenth wife Hamida al-Attas' only son....Osama

Maurice and Carleen Bryant's eldest child.....Martin (Port Arthur Massacre)

Ivan Milat - one of 14 children to what I am sure were a loving pair of parents.

Granted these are the worst examples. But it is not having a mother and a father that is most important in a child's life, it is having a parent that is involved, attentive and perceptive.

A parent that recognises the budding megalomaniac or serial killer BEFORE they get their gun licence!

I Got Her

2010-01-25T09:06:00.001+11:00

What a phone call to wake up to. Mr T called to say that the ED I have chosen is available. So I've got to get my deposit in this week. I'm so lucky as I was ready to pay my deposit in December but lent it to my ex. If I had paid I maybe would have chosen a different ED!

Dr S (my IVF doctor in India) has written to say the ED is 18, very chatty and outgoing and has a dark complexion with thick luxurious hair. Which is great. Don't expect my kids to have pale blonde features in the slightest.

The only drawback is, that as she hasn't donated before, she has yet to have her tests done. They will be done during her period in February. No problems are expected.

This fits in well as by the time this happens plus the time to cycle her and the surrogate means that a start in mid-April is looking likely.

I somehow doubt I'll be have a lazy lie-in this time next year.

OMFG I'm gunna be a dad in less than a year.....I just got goose bumps!

- Posted from my iPhone

Abstinence beckons.....again!

2010-01-24T18:51:00.000+11:00

Just got off the phone to my Doctor again. We've decided to do another semen analysis, just double checking the results as well as a semen culture - yeah we check whether they like to read Shakespeare and listen to Mozart. The downside.....another four days of abstinence.

Between all these deposits for testing or freezing, it is really cramping my style.....I haven't even had kids and they're already destroying my sex life!

I've Started

2010-01-22T23:35:00.028+11:00

Is there one single start point for this? Maybe not, but I definitely passed one milestone tonight.

I filled out my application form and more importantly I've asked for my chosen ED. I went around to Mr P and Mr T's tonight and had a chat. They are helping me as they have been through this before.

After this week's salary clears the bank, I will pay my deposit and there's no stopping me.

I showed the guys my chosen ED and funnily enough they had shortlisted her themselves, but since they wouldn't be needing her, there is an extremely high likelihood of her being available.

So hopefully sometime during this coming week I will know. And then I have to decide on a start date!

Hhhmmmm start date! Originally this was supposed to be about July. Why? Not sure really. I think originally it was far enough into the future that I could still start planning straight away, but still far enough away to take a little of the pressure off.

But now........

Well now that I have found (hopefully) my ED, I'm sort of even more keen! The thought of waiting until July to start doesn't seem like a good idea. Also an ED can only donate once per country so even if I can book my chosen ED, if I want to put off the start date, she may...nay will be used by someone from another country....and then she may not wish to donate again.

So July might now become.........March? Squeak! The rest of the Bucket Gang are cycling in early March, all going to plan there should be a bucket load of babies hitting Australia in December. I have no chance of joining them, early March is already too early.

And considering Paid Parental Leave, I really don't want to be a dad before 1st January 2011 because this guarantees 18 weeks of $550 per week. That's not to be sneezed at.

But July is looking unlikely. Mid April I reckon!

Blogging from my iPhone

2010-01-22T01:27:00.000+11:00

I just downloaded a nifty little app on my phone. Now I can blog from anywhere. So expect lots more micro-blogs from me whenever something pops into my head!

- Posted from my iPhone

Dramas - There's no RIGHT way to do this

2010-01-21T16:18:00.022+11:00

I'm not going to rehash the little drama that has been brewing over the last two weeks, but I have my right to an opinion and also as this is my blog, I have a platform for that opinion.

The little drama that has brewed over the least two weeks and came to a boil earlier this week involved our Fed-Ex option.

It would seem that every person in the world has an opinion on the right and wrong way to have children. Now you as a friend (I'm pretty sure there is only a few people who read this and I know you all) are hopefully fully supportive of me on my journey.

It would seem that for some people there is a limit to their acceptance of gay men using Indian surrogacy. And that that acceptance runs out when we consider shipping our sperm to India instead of travelling there.

I have gone into the reasons for us utilising this option, but the fact is that I would gain very little in travelling to India. A male meeting the surrogate is unheard of and other than doing my business in a small room in India, what is the difference in doing it in a small room in Sydney.

The Fed-Ex option does not save me a lot of money when you ignore loss of income. I am booked into Sydney Andrology for two deposits, each costing $210 plus flights of $140 plus two days off work plus accommodation etc. Considering I could fly to India for as low as $960 - there's not a big saving so far. Also I still have to pay my share of the canister and courier. So the price will probably be equal.

I'm not being lazy. I'm not being blase about this journey. I'm not belittling anyone's contribution in India. If I wasn't doing this with the Bucket Gang, then I would have booked my flight to India already.

The amount of work put into this option by everyone within the Bucket Gang is amazing. I would have to say that I can easily do 20 emails a day on this and I'm not even doing most of the work.

So you know what, there is no right or wrong way to do this. There is just the way I am doing it. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but if you are not going to support, then I really have to say SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Yes, I'm hormonal....pending pregnancy will do that to you! LOL But I am sick of the church, the government or narrow-minded people telling me what to do.

End rant!

What is a Mum?

2010-01-20T23:04:00.001+11:00

Today is my mum's birthday. She would have been 67. I also realise that sometime during this month I passed a milestone. That milestone? I have now lived longer without my mother than with my mother.

So the whole concept of being a mother is important to me. I know people who have had extremely bad mothers. With surrogacy, the term mother is quite ambiguous.

What is the mother to your surrogate child? The ED, the surrogate, the female that has the most influence over them?

I haven't fully decided yet. I know that I do/will not consider the surrogate as the mother. How about the ED? Yes possibly. I have no problem with this.....I might change my mind though.

All the important females in my children's lives with have their own role. Whether as a grandmother or aunt. I think I might be happy for my children to consider the ED their mother.

Sometimes I feel really alone

2010-01-20T21:59:00.002+11:00

This hits me every now and again. But sometimes I feel so alone. It's funny coz I spent two hours on a phone conference with the Bucket Gang tonight. And they are all so great and we are on totally on the same wavelength. But then my parents got home and I finally get to show them the pic of the ED and they were really underwhelmed.

And then my dad asks me if I have really thought this thing through. When I tell him that I feel he doesn't seem to support me as much, he tells me that that is not true and he is just voicing his own opinion.

But when should someone stop giving their opinion? I am now constantly getting the feeling that my dad thinks I will fail to cope as a parent. Isn't it time for my parents to stop analysing this decision and just give me 100% support. Whether they believe it or not? That's their job.

I sometimes realise how alone on am on this journey. The person I really want to do this with doesn't even talk to me anymore. He's moved on with his life so easily without me and the funny thing is that I miss him everyday and worse, his opinion is the one that I value the most in the world.

I know I've got lots of supportive friends, but sometimes I just want to lay next to Mr PMc when making every decision and share every moment of excitement with him. I only get to do this journey once and sometimes I feel it's wasted when he isn't part of it.

End rant!

I'm in LOVE

2010-01-19T15:44:00.012+11:00

Yes, you read it here! Who would have thought.

So it's official. At approximately 12.30am this morning I fell in love!

So the first thought most would have is that Lucas is out slutting around on a school night! Nope!

I woke up to an email on the iPhone. I had been sent some Egg Donor profiles and I have hopefully found the future mother of my children. Mother...yes, let me come back to that.

This girl is beautiful. Of the 24 profiles I looked at, this girl just drew me in. There is very little information given on many of the Egg Donors (ED for short). And after speaking to many guys who have been through this process both in India and the US, I have found that there is no one way to chose an ED.

One couple told me that they spent hours and hours continually going over their ED profiles with a fine tooth comb, comparing family histories and education and interest etc. However they got to a point where they were so tied up in all of those details that they eventually looked at their shortlist and decided based on the smile of the ED.

It's a funny process to go through. When you think about it, many people have children with people because of looks. How many one-nighters have eventuated in a baby. Those people have quite literally taken nothing other than looks into account.

So when I saw the picture of this girl. WOW! I'm actually attracted to her. And I realise that that is probably the best reason for making my choice.

Her looks are amazing. She has flawless skin. Her eyes are stunning. They speak to you, they really do. My God, I'm gushing, but you have no idea how exciting this is.

Chosing the ED is such a stressful first step. But I want my kids to have some of her features. The nose, the most beautiful perfect smile. Considering my complexion, I was always thinking that I would go for an ED based mainly on the lightest skin tone possible. But that went straight out the window.

My (hopefully potential) ED has slightly darker skin than I thought I would like, but the entire package is perfect. Now to see whether I can actually make this part of my dream come true.

Booked In

2010-01-15T12:10:00.016+11:00

Just finshing booking myself in to Sydney Andrology. All of the Bucket Gang are going to use Sydney Andrology to have our 'deposits' frozen and then shipped to India.

While the costs are mounting a bit, it is still cheaper than flying to India, especially when taking into account lost income. But this isn't easy.

There is so much conflicting information and it would seem that six guys grouping together to ship one (multi) load of semen to India has not been done before. We weren't even sure if we needed to utilise a fertility doctor or what. Anyway we are slowly working it all out. Our emails within our group are slowly multiplying. Several hundred will probably be the final figure.

Stay tuned!

Doctor's Results are In

2010-01-12T20:23:00.001+11:00

AGAIN, THIS POST SHARES WAY TOO MUCH INFO! BEWARE

So my Doctor returned my call tonight. As I had a full health check, there was lots of info. So I'm negative for all the nasty diseases such as HIV, Hep B & C and Syphilis. Not that I doubted it, but I am single after all.

Had the normal checks for a guy my age:

Cholesterol = high end of healthy (but healthy nonetheless)

Bad cholesterol = high end of healthy again

Fasting glucose = normal

Triglycerides = normal

Prostate blood test = normal

Thyroid = normal

Kidney function = normal

There were two problems:

Vitamin D = low - as I avoid the sun like the plague, hardly surprising - have to take supplements

Liver function = one enzyme elevated (not sure which) - the Dr asked if I drank.....umm no - my lifetime alcohol intake would be exceeded by a normal Friday night out for most guys! So testing again in a couple of months as I had had the flu not long before the test...let's hope.

So now to the all important - my semen analysis:

Semen is analysed for many things but the four main things are:

Volume (how much): normal

Concentration (how many little swimmers): above average

Morphology (how many are shaped normal): extremely high

Motility (ability to swim): low! Yep my sperm is too freaking lazy to go anywhere. Suppose they're just too gay to know what to do! Bit like me. But of the four, this is the best one to have an problems with as IVF literally takes one and forces it into an egg.

So woohoo. I'm fertile! Onto the next step!

Sample Time

2010-01-08T21:44:00.001+11:00

WARNING, THIS BLOG ENTRY TOTALLY SHARES TOO MUCH INFORMATION!

Today I dropped off a little surprise for the staff at Dorevitch Pathology in Heidelberg. I followed all the instructions (I rang three times) and I can honestly say it is a little stressful.

Step one - Abstinance! I suppose the motto for this step should be abstinance makes the sperm swim stronger....LOL. Two full days of NOWT! That is why I set the delivery time on a Friday, I didn't wanna spoil my weekend. So nothing since Tuesday afternoon!

Did I seem slightly edgy at work this week?

Step two - Timing! aka: working under pressure! Quite literally! So I have two hours to get from Hoppers to Heidelberg. This is a first, timing it around traffic conditions!

Step three- I have to do WHAT? Aim for this small container! Let's just say that traffic was the only logistical challenge.

Step four - The Drive! aka: Yes, Officer, I can explain why I'm speeding and looking very flushed!

Step five - The Handover! aka: The nice lady at the front desk keeping a straight face!

Well that was the plan! But this is how it panned out:

Step two - Timing! Umm boss can I leave work early? I have aaaahhhh doctors appointment. Heidelberg is only 30 minutes from work. And I was gunna do it at work and get caught.....so

Step two (a) - Now to find a nice quite place. Done, there's a park not too far from Dorevitch! Noice and classy! OMG the things I do for my future kids!

Step three - Actually that was pretty much the same! Just add a dash of 'this car really isn't that comfortable!'

Step four - well thankfully it was a little like the above step four, except it was only a five minute drive. And YES, I was a little flushed. It was like 40c! The air-con has been going gang-busters!

Step four (a) - this was a totally unplanned step. But eventually I found the entrance and then a parking spot....and then ....... I get a phone call! So picture this! Me all nice and flushed and sweaty, trying to reverse my car into a tight parking spot (no pun intended). Also just a wee bit shakey after my earlier effort....no post coital cigarette or cuddle for this guy. Also a little plastic jar sitting between the legs and the car kits not working. So juggling the reverse and a laughing Gail from work (yes you Gail) on the phone! THANK GOD the cops didn't show up!

Step five - So it wasn't a nice lady at the front desk, it was just lab tech guy wisked my precious little package as if it was nothing more than some pathology delivery!

And now the wait! As per usual, I'll keep you apprised and continue to share too much!

Babies - The Documentary

2010-01-05T20:24:00.000+11:00

Gee I stumble acros some weird stuff on the internet, especially when researching parenthood. Sometimes I surf at work, as long as it's not anything to do with breast milk.....breast seems to set off the firewall at work....ooops, hope they don't keep track, they'll think I'm some deprived hetero getting his jollies at work.

Anyway, I came across this cute little doco trailer. Won't imbed here as it will load too slow, so here is the Youtube link:

Babies

What I love about this so much is that babies don't need to be kept in some sterile 21st century version of quarantine. But watch it all the way to the end, the goat is priceless! It comes out sometime next year!

I'll take bookings to go see this. Maybe a Bucket Gang night out.

Kids should have a Dog

2010-01-02T21:20:00.000+11:00

I think all kids should have a dog! My family had a dog for the first three years of my life, but when we moved to Tassie, my dad gave our dog to our uncle and when we came back 3 1/2 years later, she stayed with his family.

Hamish and I used to spend hours looking at an encyclopaedia of dogs. We used to tell stories of what we would do as well as what we would name our dog. However, it all just remained that, stories. We never did get our dog.

It is probably the only thing I feel that I missed out on growing up.

I also realise how much I miss my own dog which now lives with the ex. When I owned a dog, I used to walk a lot more and a lot further than I do now.

It's for these reasons, that one of the last tasks of 2009 was paying a deposit for my own dog. Yep, I finally did it after umming and aahing for the last couple of months.

I thought I would be living in my own place again by Xmas, so started enquiring with some breeders back in August. However, I then discovered that I wouldn't be moving until Easter, so put my plans on hold. I spoke at length with one breeder in Melton, and when I saw his advert for puppies last Wednesday, I spoke to him again and pretty much decided that day.

Left a picture of the sire.

I love Border Collies and especially their intelligence and temperament. And as he will be almost 14 months old when the baby/ies arrive, have outgrown the puppy stage a little bit by then too. Just when the kids are ready to wreak havoc on the neighbourhood from about five years old, there trusty dog will be along for the adventure too. Who knows there might be two dogs by then!

I think I'm mad

2010-01-01T20:18:00.001+11:00

I really don't want to do this alone!

Sometimes I think I'm plain mad!

But as much as I feel sorry for myself, I feel even more sorry for the person that had the chance to be on this journey and chose not to be!

So alone it is!

Getting Ready for School in 5 mins

2009-12-26T16:28:00.001+11:00

Came across this little clip, don't understand Japanese but they look like they're having fun. It's all about getting a kid ready for school in 5 mins. I'll have to study this closely for a few pointers.

I initially embedded the video, but Youtube has better bandwidth, so click on the link and have a laugh.

Ready in 5 mins

I'm gunna be an Uncle

2009-12-25T16:04:00.000+11:00

It's four o'clock on Christmas Day and guess what, I'm gunna be an uncle. For the first time.

Yes, I have plenty of nieces and nephews that are either step, my ex's family or friends, but until now, none of my brothers have had kids....AND I'M 36!

Looks like there's gunna be a mini-baby boom hitting my family in the next two years.

Free Range Kids

2009-12-25T01:16:00.000+11:00

Found a wonderful site whilst surfing the web, Free Range Kids. It's written by a woman and added to by plenty of ordinary parents. Called free range because there's a difference between free-range chickens and battery hens, just like there's a difference between free-range kids and kids encircled by their own parent's fears. The lady, Lenore Skenazy, was dubbed "America's Worst Mom." (Go ahead -- Google it).

The premise of the site is that modern parents mollycoddle their kids. Protecting them from so many dangers, most of them imagined more than real. Many of these fears are distorted by the media as part of their endless desire for a 24 hour news cycle. TV piles it on because if it told us what's really happening -- "Millions of kids unharmed!" -- we'd turn it off.

Here's the definition:
free range kid – a child given lots of free time during the day to do whatever she or he chooses, rather than having a rigid schedule of tennis lessons, extra maths etc. The term was coined by US journalist Lenore Skenazy who has a blog subtitled ‘Let’s give our children the freedom we had’. A free range kid certainly doesn’t have a
helicopter mom – one who is always hovering round her children, afraid that they’ll hurt themselves or get abducted.

The chances of a child getting abducted, raped, murdered, run over or going missing is statistically the same as when I was a kid. I survived! You did too!

If anything, my Dad had a policy of us leaving the court that we lived in and not coming home until the end of the day. He didn't want us to hang around the house.

When we lived in Tassie, I used to head down to The Don, a park that was about half a km from home. How old was I? Somewhere between 4 and 7. I remember going down there to explore the park which also had a high school in it and to catch tadpoles. I succeeded once and tried to carry him home in my hands, but tripped on a step and lost him as well as the skin off my hands.....next time I took a bucket with me! How's that a memory 30 years old and what did it teach me....come prepared and learn how to solve a problem.

When we moved back to Altona, my younger brother and I used to ride our bikes to school. Clear across the suburb - a good 2.5 kms (thanks Google Maps). Crossing a major road WITHOUT a children's crossing or lights and riding close to a lake. We didn't drown, get run over or get abducted. And our ages? I was 8 and Hamish was 6. Do you realise how healthy that is. We rode 5kms a day and didn't even realise we were exercising. If I wanna do that these days, I usually have to head to a gym!

We also, at that age, used to get on our bikes and head off down to 'The Pines' which was a collection of parks, open space, ruins, beaches, boat ramps and dozens of other things that could have possibly maimed or hurt us.

Hamish and I used to race outside after dinner, even if we weren't allowed to. We had a code, something as simple as saying AB to one another...and then when mum's back was turned, we'd be off like a rocket. We'd have sword fights with poles of wood that made our bones rattle when they hit each other. We even dug a tunnel. Yep, we were gunna have a whole warren of tunnels and maybe even get to China. The furthest we got was about head height. Which probably wasn't much past one metre, but we had put bricks on each corner and used to put a concrete slab on top of it so no one knew it was there.

At the age of 13, I started catching the train into the city when I changed High School. I eventually made friends with other students and Diana, Claire and I would all meet up on the train to chat our way into the city. With that freedom, I also started exploring the CBD, spending afternoons and sometimes weekends in the city exploring the State Library, bookstores, shops and parks. I understood how to navigate around the city using public transport and knew the city like the back of my hand.....even today my ex relies on my geographical knowledge of the city when driving in there.

When we visited my grandparents in Melton, Shannon and I would go off to explore an abandoned house. We took great glee in discovering things and working out what each room was for, why it had been abandoned and how things worked because we could see into walls and the floor.

I can't believe how much freedom my parents gave me and I now realise that this freedom really permeates my personality and world-view. I can't believe to understand the fear that parents have of their children being hurt, but what they might not realise is that they are actually the ones doing the hurt. They are stifling their child's natural inquisitiveness, need for exercise and the fostering of independence.

My kids are going to be very lucky. My block of land (that I will eventually build my dream home on) is situated in a kid's dreamland. Within 30 metres of my block is a creek (with tadpoles and frogs), within 100 metres there's a forest (with old farm buildings scattered throughout and kangaroos), within 300 metres a river and in the opposite direction a lake. There's farm and livestock within a kilometre.

There's bike paths everywhere and I can see my kids riding to primary school, exploring houses being built, disappearing into the forest for hours on end and coming home with tall stories, grazed knees and the inevitable tadpoles. They'll take their dog with them and have great adventures with their mates. Ones that they will look back on as an adult and realise how lucky they were....just like I am now.

This is a much better existence than I see many kids have today. They won't be sat in front of the telly with food to stay quiet or not allowed to leave the front yard like a certain Lachlan I know. Or play on a computer on a sunny day when there's a park and river within 100 metres like a certain ex's niece I know.

No, they will have a secret hide-out, cubby house or castle somewhere that adults rarely go. They'll have wars or play goodies and baddies. They'll have friends they love who sleep over or even camp out and they'll have kids they hate...for no better reason than they live in a different street or go to a different school.

They'll come home, not because they want to see me, but because they are starving and really thirsty.

They'll be free range kids!

Eating Dirt.....or The Hygiene Hypothesis

2009-12-24T19:42:00.002+11:00

It's Christmas Eve and I got off work after only three hours. So I'm just watching Murder, She Wrote on TV and getting down to some posts on stuff that has been rattling around my head.

So first off...Dirt! Yep, dirt is healthy!

I'm a bit of a clean freak. I usually shower twice a day, sometimes three if I exercise, garden or if it's hot. I also have a compulsion to wash my hands. Always before eating, sometimes for no reason. In my own house, every sink in the house has a bottle of liquid anti-bacterial handwash sitting there. But that is not such a good thing. Research has started to show that the lack of dirt in our kids lives is affecting their immune system.

The Hygiene Hypothesis is summed up best by this quote I came across, "the immune system at birth is like an unprogrammed computer. It needs instruction." Dirt, germs and worms (intestinal) give this instruction.

There is a belief that part of the rapid rise in allergies and some other 'first world' or affluence diseases like diabetes, asthma etc are due to the lack of immune stimulation.

Now I like this theory! The more I read the less anal I will have to be as a parent, but part of the problem is that I am a hygiene freak; maybe that is part of my problem. Maybe the reason I have so many allergies and such sensitive skin I was always clean as a kid.....too clean now by the sounds of it and both my brothers who don't suffer like I do don't seem to have these problems. They were the grot bots as my mum used to say.

Here's a little quote from one website I found:
"My children ate dirt with surprising gusto, garden soil, road soil, leaf-mush soil, sod soil, bug-body soil—even gutter soil. As usual with my children, before I could talk them out of this behaviour, they gave it up on their own—their behavior depending more on personal likes and dislikes than on my paternal concerns. I was pleased when they quit. Later I was reassured to discover from other parents that their children were just as taken with dirt as mine, some even more so. I felt less like the parent of a couple of dirt-eating, psychosis-ridden, nutritionally deprived children, even if my children were never quite “normal.”

Eating dirt appears nearly universal among children under 2 years of age. When I asked my 2-year-old daughter why she ate dirt, she just stared at me, her eyes wide open, a thick moustache of loam limning her lips. She must have decided that either what I had asked was unfathomably abstract or her answer would be far beyond my comprehension."

I love the last sentence of the above quote. The author goes on:
"Among children, too, it seems eating dirt might have immunologic consequences. Maternal immunoglobulins are secreted in breast milk shortly before birth and for 1 year or more afterwards. Children often begin eating dirt a year or two after birth. As maternal immunity wanes, eating dirt might “vaccinate” children who are losing their maternal IgA, which could stimulate production of nascent immunoglobulins, especially IgA. Eating dirt might also help populate intestinal flora.

But all of this remains speculative. No clear evidence supports a biologic benefit to geophagy among children. Its frequency and distribution, though, suggest a greater biologic involvement than the simple oral obsessions of children."

On another website, the author reckons "to let kids have two dogs and a cat, which will expose them to intestinal worms that can promote a healthy immune system".

So here's one of my checklists for my kids:
* should play outside in the dirt
* don't clean the house as much as I would like to
* I shouldn't be too fussy when they get dirty
* should have at least one dog, maybe two
* if they drop food on the floor, they should be able to pick it up and eat it.

Here's a couple of links:
Eating dirt can be good for you - just ask babies (New York Times)
Hygiene hypothesis (Wikipedia)
Helminthic therapy (Hookworm therapy) (Wikipedia)
Let kids eat dirt (Discover Magazine)

Here's a nice graph I found that shows the decline in major diseases caused by infection and the rise in diseases caused by lifestyle. Some food for thought.

The Bucket Gang

2009-12-23T20:38:00.002+11:00

Yep, I coined the term. You read it here! LOL

This post flows on regarding the Fed Ex post. It would seem that the gang of six instead of painting Delhi red in early March, will now just put it in a bucket, freeze it and post it over!

So I decided to name our little group of six, the Bucket Gang. The other five are all hoping to actually get pregnant in March and me in July. But we're probably all going to use the same bucket to save a bit of money! I'm catching up with Mr SM and Mr SS (both down from Sydney) this Saturday hopefully, so we might actually nut something out.

But we would all have to use the same IVF clinic at about the same time, so I am guessing that Mr T, Mr C and I will be travelling up to Sydney in February sometime.

It's funny, because I just started to realise this week, that I am feeling quite a fraternal bond with the other guys as we are all going through the process at the same time.

I've tried to chat to a couple of guys but it never really lasts. There's no shared experience. They have usually been through the process and I can't connect with them on the step by step process that I'm going through at this moment in time.

None of us actually live near each other, so I don't foresee us all catching up lots when we have kids, but I'm pretty sure that I will still be in touch with them all. Actually I think The Bucket Brothers is a better moniker. Yeah, we might not be brothers in arms, but we will be brothers with babes in arms! LOL

I think T-shirts are in order!

Ambushed by my dad

2009-12-22T19:44:00.000+11:00

Telling people that you are going to start surrogacy isn't easy. Today I told two people.

My boss, well I suppose he is really my supervisor, said let's go get a coffee. I thought I was in trouble, but he just wanted to have a chat. So we chatted about stacks of stuff. Politics, work and it isn't easy to talk about your personal life when you keep trying to hide the fact that you're gay, so we got onto that subject and my ex, why I'm living with my parents and so on. I also mentioned that fact that I eventually want kids....didn't put a timeline on it. And as a new dad himself, he fully understands the desire and was interested to learn what sort of process gay guys go through.

So there's one! The other person was my step-mother. My dad ambushed me really as I had already told him and I knew that I had to tell Val, but it's always easier said than done...look how long it took to tell my dad.

So now the world can know. No need to keep it secret anymore.

Fed Ex versus Qantas

2009-12-21T20:56:00.002+11:00

Lots has happened this past couple of days and I didn't really have much time over the weekend as I wasted my time helping someone out when I really shouldn't have bothered.

So anyway, last week, Mr T introduced me to another single guy who is heading down the same path as me. So welcome Mr NC. Though he's from NSW, so not sure when we might meet.

But it would have seemed that there would be six of us heading over in early March as both Mr SM and SS from Sydney and Mr T and Mr C from Mornington were booked in for around the 7-12 March, and they are trying to fit Mr NC in too. Me, being the laggard, was tagging along just to leave my "specimen".

As part of that, Mr T had emailed me a spreadsheet to help budget. Being bored at work on Friday, I pimped that spreadsheet to within an inch of its existence. I created formulae and macros to take into consideration pretty much most things, including flights, accommodation, citizenship application, passports and whether twins were expected.

The figure was pretty. High $30's for twins including everything!

Yikes!

However, suddenly out of the blue today Mr SM messages and after a bit of research and question asking, it would seem we could just do it in a bucket, freeze it and Fed Ex it over. So here's a cost comparison.

Flying over
Flight $1415.00
Accommodation $400.00
Other costs $500.00
Lost salary $2000.00
So looking at about $4,300

To Fed Ex
$340.00

Bit of a no-brainer really. Pity about the missed holiday in India. Thanks Mr SM!

Actually, my trip to the US in July suddenly looks a whole lot more likely now.

So now, how do I organise them to Fed Ex the kids back in April 2011? Only joking....a bit!

So, there was a lot more messages shooting around. Mr SM was told to start taking a special multivitamin (Menevit) to super-charge the sperm. I spoke about the need for vitamins already on one of my blogs. What I didn't know was that it the sperm production cycle takes about 75 days, so it seems there is a bit of a scramble going in some houses now to getting started popping some pills-but not me, been taking most of these things for twice that amount of time already and I don't even need to Fed Ex until June next year. Oh, and here's a few other helpful hints for healthy sperm:
Loose underwear
Exercise
Limit sex to a couple of times per week (alone or with someone else)
Don't smoke
Cut down the alcohol
Take your multivitamins!

So, the only way for me to improve is to exercise more......and limit my sex life.....DOH, that's really not a problem (unfortunately)!

So my aim for the next six months is to start exercising more.....yawn....like I haven't been making that promise for the past several years. And I have to cut down my sex life....even if it is on my own!!

Just for a comparison, between Menevit and what I take every day:
Vitamin C 100mg - I take 2000mg
Zinc 25mg - I take 61mg
Vitamin E 400IU - I take 550IU
Folic Acid 500mcg - I take 500mcg
Lycopene 6mg - I take 120mcg
Selenium 26mcg - I take 26mcg

Menevit also contains Garlic Oil 333 mcg - so I can't touch the stuff anyway! But glad to see that I have been doing the right thing already for nearly six months!

Why do I write this?

2009-12-20T19:24:00.000+11:00

The bigger (and longer) this blog becomes, the more likely I am to repeat myself, so I apologise in advance!

I'm not sure if I have clearly explained why I write this blog....some days I forget how old I am, so it should come as no great surprise.

So the why's?

Well, there are many reasons for it! When I first started the main reasoning was the difficulty I had in finding access to the stories of men in similar situations. Not only gay couples, but specifically gay singles. I can glean a little bit of info from some sites, or sometimes by reading the between the lines of a third-party's story, but to actual access and follow many of the smaller (and no less important) steps that this journey entails...well there wasn't much. So it is my hope that someone who is or will be in a similar situation to me, can gain a little bit of help for their own journey.

An important reason was a sounding board. I know that I have mentioned this before, but the biggest drawback in doing this alone (even though I have very supportive friends and family) is that I don't have someone to truly share in the excitement or to bounce ideas (some extremely absurd) off. This, I have decided, is the greatest advantage a couple has over me.

Thirdly, it is the easiest way for friends to catch up on what's happening (other than Facebook). It also means that when we do catch up, they don't have to hear every boring details. They can just following along when they have time to sit and have a read (let's face it, for many of us, that time is at work! LOL)

And last but not least, the newest reason. And one that has just started to develop over the last few weeks, is that this will one day be an amazing story for my kids to read. Not that ANY kid wants to know about their parent's sex life, but who wouldn't want to know a little more about what their parents were thinking and doing before and after they came into the world?

And considering the story I will eventually have, and the lengths that I am going to to have kids, it is a story that they will know well - and perhaps appreciate even more when they eventually have a read of this!

Christmas Bah Humbug!

2009-12-18T09:34:00.000+11:00

I hate Christmas!

And even I have to ask the question, why? I put it down to three main reasons:
1. It's disruptive
2. It's boring
3. There's no one to spoil!

So, why disruptive. Well after being self employed for a decade, the last two weeks of the year were the busiest of our year. Sometimes equal to an entire winter month's work. So I think I always looked foward to Christmas with a sense of dread. Plus all those public holidays means stuff is closed with nothing to do but sit home with boring crap on the TV.

Boring! Well, I am not a fan of Christmas food. Turkey, roast veggies. Blech! Christmas pudding, mince pies...vomit!

It's boring! Mainly because I don't get any good presents. I've only received one actual present in the last several years that I really like. No use looking forward to it if you aren't going to get something great.

At last, I've no one to spoil. I think part of the enjoyment of Christmas is actually thinking up great presents for someone you want to spoil and then running around organising it all the time keeping it a secret. I've only had the opportunity to do this for one Christmas, and it was great fun.

So I can really do without Christmas, HOWEVER.....I know this will all change. Christmas is really for kids and if you add kids to the mix, then all of the above changes. I can't wait to make Christmas an absolute magical time for my kids. Starting up our own traditions and making the whole season a family affair.

I think one of the first Christmas traditions I will start is buying a Wollemi Pine as their first Christmas Tree. It also grows well in a pot and each year it will get taller and taller, ready for decorating! When it gets too tall, it can be transplanted into the garden. Then one day my kids will bring their own kids and show them the big Christmas Tree is granddad's backyard that was bought for their first Christmas.

So after all that, I'm only buying my parents and three kids presents this year. I'm too broke for everyone else! Note to self, learn to budget for Christmas when I have kids.

Baby name update

2009-12-17T21:04:00.000+11:00

I'm just touching base on this ongoing topic. Up until a week ago, only Ms M knew my baby names. Well, I have since spoken to my Dad about it to.

To catch up, I had two boy's names and one girl's name.

One of the boy names I had, I have liked for about 10 years, and yet this in the one my Dad didn't like. Even though it is a bit traditional and in the scheme of things, not even that exciting a name. But then sometimes a name has a personal connotation. However he really liked the other boy name, one that I only came across in October. So that seems to have locked it in a little more.

When it comes to girls names though, I am still adrift. The two names that I like, both variations of a name....I sort of don't like now. Mainly because I have now met two girls (both with gay dads) with those names. It is not that the girls were anything less than beautiful, but I suddenly realised that some names can become almost trendy at certain times and I'm pretty sure these names will be like that, so there will be hundreds of them out there very soon. An example of this is my step-sister Michaela. She is in her early 40s and back when she was born it wasn't a common name. Now, you can't step out the front door without stepping on a Michaela. And as for spelling, here are a few:
Mikayla
Mykala
Mykayla
Micala

If in doubt, add a "y" I say! LOL

So girls names are all gone again!

Which brings us to the modern conumdrum of balancing interesting names with too interesting or weird names.

My parents did quite well. Shannon, Lucas and Hamish. These names are far from unique, and yet they still stand out. Not so much these days, but back when we were born, there weren't too many Shannons, Lucas' and Hamishs. Lucas is now the 7th most popular name in the USA last year and the most popular in Sweden last year (according to some lists). And yet I have only met 3 Lucas' in my life. Never met another Hamish and only met two other Shannons.

I have an extremely long list of names I like - 73 all up. Of which I would consider using only 7 of them. Here is a sample of the names I like but WON'T use:
Josh
Taye
Dane
Riley
Ferris
Anders
Dixon
Isaac
Chad
Hugo
Aldus
Cade
Sawyer
Zachariah

Nice names that I may have once considered using, but the more I dwell on this problem, the less I like some of these. And believe me there is more:
Tahoe
Cadell
Dyson
Phoenix
Colton
Jethro

See, I have a fertile imagination. But have been collecting these names for a long time. But the guarantee is that no matter which name I chose, I won't be giving it an interesting spelling variation so that it stands out from the crowd. Who wants to spell/correct their name for the rest of their lives? As my name became more common in the 80s, I finally stopped correcting the spelling from Lucus to Lucas. Thankfully my parents didn't go for the former spelling coz now I would spend the rest of my life correcting it from Lucas which is considered the correct spelling.

I guarantee I'll touch on this topic again soon!

Money money money....not so funny

2009-12-15T20:14:00.001+11:00

I hate the fact that the world revolves around money. Even though I am a true believer in money not buying happiness.

So surrogacy is going to cost me.....about $30,000. This is an estimate based on everything including travel. I estimate about $25,000 of that for the actual surrogacy program, of which I need a third by the time they start the procedure.

I need about $1,700 to get started, so that is the only reason I haven't actually booked in. I had the money but had to lend it to a friend. So I hope I can get that together by mid-January. As for the third needed to actual start the procedure, well that $7,000 isn't gunna be needed until about June 2010. Think that might be doable too!

I suppose all this talk about money makes me wonder if you need money to bring up kids. Well, OF COURSE, I know you need money. But I mean to you have to have lots or be able to buy everything to bring up well adjusted and healthy kids?

Most people will say of course not. And yet you would be amazed what people these days consider a necessity for their child. TV's, DVD players in their bedrooms. Own computers. Playstations.

I sometimes wonder if I wouldn't prefer to have no TV or computer when I have kids. And yet I accept the educational benefits of these too. But you sometimes have to wonder when you see kids with their own mobiles and iPods at the age of 12!

Well, my kids won't have a lot! Maybe I spent a few too many of my 20s backpacking and also working for a family company probably retarded my wage prospects a little too. It probably doesn't help that I now have two ex-boyfriends who are sitting on property goldmines thanks a little to me.

But money doesn't buy happiness. When I grew up, I realised that I felt that I didn't have a lot, but now realised that I had everything I needed. One TV, no computer, no mobiles (obviously) and no iPods...though I did have a Walkman! (how cool I was!)

Mr PMc taught me a lot about growing up with little. One of five boys in a three bedroom commission house. He is an extremely well adjusted and successful young man who didn't need loads of money, personal space or electronic gadgets to be who he is.

So my kids are going to grow up with very little materially, but mentally, spiritually and emotionally, they will be the wealthiest kids on the block. They may not laze back and watch the latest DVD on a wide screen plasma with surround sound, but mud pies baked in the sun, or a box that transforms into a train, plane or racecar will always be available to them.

I just hope that when they become adults they can look back on their childhood and realise that they didn't have all the fancy gadgets their mates might have had or never visited Disneyland, but still realise that they had everything they ever needed and more!

Life sometimes gets in the way

2009-12-14T09:26:00.000+11:00

This past weekend, a very important person to me expressed his dismay that I had not updated this blog recently, and I am a little annoyed with myself that there has been so little written in the last couple of weeks, especially considering how many things I have to say.

Ok, so I thought that I would always be on this thing updating everyday with some boring inane comment or story from my life, but sometimes life just gets in the way.

So I will attempt to be more regular and organise (isn't that a sign of good parenting?). The problem is that some post overlap and not everything happens on one day, ready for my little report. So I am going to start using the draft option on this blog more, so while I might not post something instantly, I will hopefully still be writing about it!

I've been very busy with my new job (loving it, but the hours (45 a week) are cramping my style a bit) and also a bit of a social butterfly lately - especially on the weekend, which used to be my main time to update!

And though I think about this journey every day, it is an 18 month odyssey (well, 16 1/2 now) so there are going to be long flat spots with little happening!

Paid Parental Leave

2009-12-06T21:13:00.001+11:00

Well, been a bit since my last update, but my computer died. The hard drive on my laptop just packed it in. I lost EVERYTHING. Whilst I have a backup from November last year, all my files, photos etc for the past year are gone. Poop happens!'

So I just got my laptop back, thanks to Mr Slap and Mr Bib, my gay computer techs. I'm back online. I've got lots to update, so the next couple of posts will fill you in.

But the first I wanted to cover was an exciting little details that I picked up about a week ago. Paid Parental Leave. It's not set in concrete yet as the government still has to pass the bill sometime during 2010, but here are the bones of it as it pertains to me as as single parent.

As long as you have worked ten of the past 13 months with your employer, at the time of your child's birth (or adoption) (after 1/1/2011), you are eligible for the minimum federal wage of $550 per week for 18 weeks. These payments are replacing the baby bonus, and are actually more generous.

But the best part is that your employer has to accept you back into the same job or an equal position after 18 weeks. This is great news as I had resigned myself to either taking annual leave for a short period of time or quitting my position and taking single parent payments until I found a new job.

So hopefully if all goes according to plan, I will get over 4 months with my kid(s) before heading back to work. And even better, the baby bonus is still paid for a second twin, so I get a nice little cash lump sum too!

Catching up is sooooo much quicker

2009-11-27T20:34:00.001+11:00

The greatest thing about this blog is that when I catch up with friends, they are already caught up on all my news. So I had lunch with Ms M today (other than the fact that the girl behind the counter knew my order without asking!) and as she is an avid reader of my little blog here...presto...all caught up! Also welcome to Ms J, dropped a gay bombshell on her today at work, so she might have a read on the weekend!

Ms M and I got talking about baby names and she is officially the only person who knows which baby names I want to use. She LOVES them! Then we got talking about names she likes and my lack of preferred girl names. Before I knew it I had fallen in love with one of the girl names she suggested.

So now I have two boy's names and one girl's name. Not bad! Got 17-18 months to see if they last the distance. If I still like them after all that time, then I'd feel pretty confident of bestowing them upon some poor kid for the rest of his life. It's a small important detail but as the babies have to be registered, DNA tested and get a passport all within the first week of their lives, having some baby names already to go is gunna be one less detail.

Dad seems to be pretty comfortable with the whole idea and I now have someone to bounce some of my long term ideas and plans off. Having kids is one thing, bringing them up in Werribee, not really a long term option for me.

Hoping to catch up with Mr P and Mr T (and their daughters) this weekend, so more news to follow.

Good news, bad news and great news!

2009-11-25T19:59:00.002+11:00

I never believed that when I started this blog, that I would be so eager to update it on a daily basis. Though this is probably just because so much seems to be happening at the moment. I'm sure there will come a time (soon) where I might go days or even weeks before I get around to sharing some mundane fact or experience.

So what's happened since yesterday. A LOT! First off, the bad news. The deal that I was hoping to stitch up with my ex over our house. Well it seems I was a bit too eager. Without getting into details, I lost 15% of the agreed price today. I just can't be bothered arguing, so I expect that I will probably eventually lose about 25-40% of the price by the time his demands cease. I guess I counted my chickens before they hatched.

It did teach me something valuable though. I am so glad we never had children and I am now convinced more than ever that doing this alone is the best thing possible. I have been reading some online experiences of single men who become parents through surrogacy. Many of them are actually straight. The two main reasons that they seem to do it: sick of waiting for Mr/Ms Right and because they are fearful of compromising or losing access to their kids in the event of a separation. After how much I am willing to give up just to be free from Mr PMc my ex, and that is just money. I could only imagine the fights if there were children involved. So this experience has a silver-lining.

So what's the good news? Well it is also to do with property and money. I may have found a buyer for my block of land. Why good? Well, while this block is a good investment. This block together with the money I pay for my half share in the house with my ex costs me about $340 per week. And I can't live at either. So I will free up nearly $1500 income per month. That is going to come in handy when it comes to paying for surrogacy and also better when it comes to covering the expenses of my children. While I don't walk away making a profit from my block, I will have about 50% of my surrogacy fee in my hand.

Maybe the best thing I can aim for it to be debt free when my kids are born. I will have a mortgage of course, but it is either that or rent. While it would be nice to have an investment property or block, I think that it is more important to have kids than being asset rich.

So what is my great news? Well, I told my dad! Yep, I finally got past the procrastination and told him the whole lot. What brought it up was the call from the agent regarding my block. This got me on track to explain everything I wanted. I explained that having kids was going to be expensive, but that money was less important in the scheme of things. But that for me to have kids, that I was going to need a lot of help as I couldn't not work when my kids were born. That I was going to need a lot of help, including a great deal of day-care by him to get me through the early years.

While I would say that he was far from enamoured by the thought of full time baby sitting, I pretty sure that considering none of his three children have yet produced any grandchildren will sway the argument my way! I must admit that I did see him visibly stagger when I told him there was a good chance that there would be twins.

So I told him the whole story. Me wanting kids is not new. My dad has always supported me, but I think it is a different thing when I actually tell him that I have started down the road...I mean there's a pathology request for a semen analysis sitting on my bed side table.

Which reminds me. I have to deliver the sample to Heidelberg within two hours of....collection! During business hours. So I'll either have to take a morning off work....or get someone to deliver it for me. I think missing work will be the go. Can't really see myself coming out of the bedroom all flushed with a little paperbag and asking someone to deliver it to Heidelberg within two hours.....oh and the best bit (I read this on the Internet) is that you should keep it at body temp, so sitting it between your legs when you drive is safest and healthiest. Yeah, the more I think about it, the more I think I will do it myself.

So Dad asked me a lot of questions about how much, how long, whether they were at risk of being gay themselves (bless the naive heterosexual), and what my future plans were. I pretty much explained that I'll accept that I will never be well-off or rich or even be able to offer my kids everything, but then sometimes you make a choice in life and my aim has always been to have children and to be happy.

He says that money isn't as important as being healthy.

As for half Indian grandchildren, after explaining the process and how much research I have done. He seemed quite blase about that part. He did seem a bit disconcerted as he and Val are going to Europe at the end of next year. I suppose when I say I'm going to India in March, then most people will expect me to part of the mini-baby boom that is going to hit nine months later in December (looking at you guys Michael, Simon, Tim and Cody). But I told him I was aiming for April 2011. Plenty of time to get used to the idea.

Welcome to my readers....or well maybe just reader!

2009-11-24T21:26:00.001+11:00

A small milestone last night. I texted this address out to a couple of friends to have a read. As far as I know, only one person has actually read this blog so far (thanks Mr SM). Though I know Ms V from work had a quick squizz....she said my pic was great. Funny I forgot to even thing about that, as I've been so pedantic about what I'm actually writing.

So if you're actually reading this, welcome! If you wanna tell me about it or gimme some feedback, then text me sometime....or there's an email link on the About Me page.....singledad2011@gmail.com

I found out that the couple from Sydney (Mr SM and SS) have already chosen their donor, I'm getting worried that I'm gunna get stuck with the last donor left!

Anyway, back to me! I had a doctor's appointment today, getting a thorough going-over to see that I'm as healthy (the flu notwithstanding) as I feel. I also got pathology requests for everything from my cholesterol level to...you guessed it...semen analysis. I have to ring them up to organise it as the...ahem...sample has to be...produced (for won't of a better verb).....within an hour of delivery for analysis.

I'll try to organise my day a bit better than a certain friend (you know who you are) that was forced to....produce....his sample in his car in a public carpark. Not the first gayboy to steam up car windows with his fly unzipped........I wonder what he was thinking about? Probably how small the opening to that sample container suddenly looked.

Some things just reaffirm a decision

2009-11-23T19:57:00.003+11:00

Well, now my blog will start to settle down into a (hopefully not too monotonous) rhythm as I update the world on the little changes that will all add up to one big day.

I went out on Saturday night, not being a drinker the only risk to getting over the flu would have been a slight lack of sleep - and considering how badly I have slept the past week, what diff! Going out just made me realise that I really am not going to miss the scene. I'm way past being young and spunky enough to have guys chatting me up, and if I had to stand around and chat to people, then I can honestly say I prefer to be in a park or someone's backyard with a dozen screaming kids running around.

I also received an email from Mr P today with some details for paying a deposit. A scary thought that I can be only one small (well $1700 ain't so small) deposit away from starting my family. I have that money in the bank already! (as I sweep the pile of bills under the bed).

Speaking of money though, how is this for luck....well if it actually comes to pass. My ex Mr PMc texted out of the blue asking me how much to buy me out of our jointly-owned house. I named a figure and he seems agreeable. Hopefully he gets his arse into gear and get's down the bank in the next couple of weeks. The payout is more than my entire surrogacy budget. What that means, is that I can keep saving for the next 18 months and perhaps take a couple of months off when my babies come home.

Instead of taking only one month off, I might be able to have four or even six months off. Wouldn't that be a dream come true. Especially when those sleepless nights are in full swing.

Middle Names

2009-11-21T10:42:00.007+11:00

We have a tradition in my family (paternal tradition that is) that we all have two middle names. It's rare, I think I have only met two or three other people in my life that also share this trait.

My middle names are after my father and after my godfather. My father and brothers have middle names after grandparents, uncles and great uncles.

A trend I have noticed with many new parents recently is to use their second choice of a name as the middle name. That is fair enough. For some people this gives them the chance to use their middle name as their first name if they don't like their first name at some later stage (such as Sean Connery and Paul McCarthy).

So, I was going to say that there is a good chance that my kids will have two middle names. But in truth it isn't a good chance, but a certainty.

With many gay couples hyphenating their surnames to give their children a shared family identity, it could become quite a mouthful with two middle names. With my ex Mr P, let's just say that his surname contained three words, hyphenated with mine would have equalled four, adding in two middle names would have meant six plus a first name = 7. Ouch!

So now that possible last name hyphenation is out for the moment, two middle names doesn't become such a mouthful. Which names then? Well depending on whether they are boys or girls, my name will probably appear in there somewhere, perhaps almost my dad's. There's not many other contemporary relatives that I feel like honouring, so maybe might have to dig a bit further into the family history.

But there are pitfalls, when tossing around the idea of middle names with some of my preferred first names, I ended up with the initials A.N.L.W. That's a little to close to anal for the son of a gay man!!

What will my kids look like?

2009-11-20T15:13:00.025+11:00

So it's day four of the flu. God am I bored. The only good thing so far is that I went and saw New Moon yesterday.....sitting on the couch or sitting in a cinema, same diff!

So I've talked a little bit about what sort of egg donor I would like. It is a decision and discussion fraught with dangers and pitfalls. First I need to stress that I am not racist. Those of you that know me very well are fully aware of this, but some people who read this and don't know me as well may come up with a different opinion.

Choosing an egg donor is not something that many parent consciously do, yet we all do it. Straight couples do it because they chose their partner and hence make a choice on the genetic material that will make up half their child.

Gay fathers to be, for better or worse, get to be a little or more dispassionate about our egg donors. Those with partners would love the chance for their children to be genetically part of both of them.

I for one, would have been extremely happy if my kids were to some of my ex's looks and personality, it was the reason I fell in love with him. When we discussed children, him being Latino meant that I was very open to looking for a Latina donor....our own little Anglotinos or Latangos. But alas that is now not to be.

So here I was single again and the idea of having blonde haired blue eyed started to gain ground again. I mean, why not. That's what I am. It was not that I think being a blonde was better, it was just a way of reinforcing a bond between my children and myself. I think we all hope our kids are gunna look a bit like us, but probably better looking....LOL, not hard when it comes to me!

When I looked at doing surrogacy in the US, the idea of a blonde haired blue eyed donor didn't seem too hard. Statistically there are many donors available with features that match my own. But with the cost of surrogacy in the US always the biggest stumbling block, the choice seemed academic.

So when India started becoming a viable and very cheap surrogacy option, the thought of a half Indian child didn't instantly appeal to me, and I looked at the options available, including shipping donors in from South Africa or Europe. However, the more I looked into this option, the more that I became disillusioned by it. I started to hear stories of disappointment, as every person that undertakes IVF knows, there can be a lot of failure before success. And there is no money back guarantee when you have shipped someone from halfway across the planet to harvest her eggs.

So the decision is made partly because of cost, but the more I look into Indian egg donors the happier I become. I suppose the real turning point was when Ms M said that half Indian guys are really hot. So I utilised that wonder of the modern world - Google and became quite impressed by some of the results.

I admit this is not the most scientific method, but when you have so little to go on, you clutch at even the smallest bit of information that might help. Another milestone came when I learnt that an actor Chad Michael Murray (most wouldn't know him, but he plays a character Lucas in One Tree Hill) is one quarter Japanese....I mean this guy is blonde with blue eyes. Just Google his name and you'll see what I mean. It just proved that genetics is a lottery at best and that not all my blonde haired, blue eyed and fair (and hence recessive) traits would disappear.

I suppose then I should dispel the idea that my kids will look more Indian than Caucasian. The range of Indian complexion ranges from extremely pale with almost Mediterranean skin tones to much much darker features especially in the south. Whilst I will be aiming for the healthiest donor, depending on the her actual looks, my kids would probably end up looking perhaps a little Mediterranean, funnily enough perhaps even a little Latino....so you can see really that this discussion just cycles around and around and around.

My kids will look...in my eyes...beautiful. While they won't have my blonde hair, I can guarantee that they will tan better than I do.......

We're gunna have to charter a plane

2009-11-18T16:36:00.003+11:00

I'm home for a second day with the flu. So after a bit of umming and ahhing, I emailed Mr P & Mr T to perhaps get the ball rolling. I also spoke to Mr C (one half of the Mornington couple) today.

So Mr T rang back and Mr C spent half his drive home on the phone to me. And it seems that everyone is heading off to India in March. Mr C and his partner (Mr T) have changed their mind about co-parenting and are now pretty psyched by the whole Indian surrogacy thing. They have already paid their deposit.

The couple from Sydney are also heading off in March and are trying to pay their deposit too. So seems I am the only hold out from this group. If everyone is going to head off at the same time, it takes just a little bit of the stress out of the whole thing.

Unlike the other guys heading over in March, I am not eager to start the actually surrogacy at that time. Mr C and Mr T have hopefully already found their egg donor. I am not prepared to be a dad before Xmas next year. I think I need one last summer, let alone another couple of months to get the money together.

Their donor is said to be quite pale with slightly asiatic features. Though they too wanted to look at a South African donor, the price and the chance that it might not work really turned them off the idea like it did for me.

I feel a mother's group starting up already!

The only gay in the village

2009-11-15T15:23:00.000+11:00

Sometimes I feel like I'm the only gay in the village!

I've always known that fatherhood is not everyone's cup of tea, especially in the gay world. And, you know, I accept this. Some people just aren't wired for parenthood. Unfortunately, in my own opinion, too many gay guys are just too busy living la vida loca. It's all fun and games when you're young and healthy and out partying/drinking and you only need to keep a glancing eye on your bank balance.

However, when I look around, there ain't too many 60+ guys out there partying on. And by the time you get that far, there's a good chance that the most important people in your life are guys in the same boat. You're still lucky if your parents are alive, but many of your siblings and straight friends will have not only paired off long ago, but there's a good chance they are concentrating on their own kids and for some, grandkids.

I don't have a lot of luck in love. I'm not being a pessimist when I say that there is no guarantee that I will ever meet someone....I'm just being a realist. This is one of my main drivers to becoming a dad. I foresee an eventuality when I have not only outlived my dad, but there's a good chance, barring accident, that I might outlive my brothers.....and who is left then?

I know this sounds morbid, but out of everyone I know, I've had some of the worst luck when it comes to people dying. The thought of growing old alone is pretty damn scary......

So I suppose all this was bought home to me a bit last night when I bumped into an old friend Mr L and after proceeding to tell him that I've pretty much decided to head off to India and not too long after that can look forward to being a dad......the reply, well, it was pretty much a blank stare.

I'd gotten so used to most people sharing my excitement that I clear forgot that there are many guys, straight and gay, that fatherhood just doesn't appeal to.

So why am I the only gay in the village? Well by my reckoning, only about 1 in 4 gay guys wanna become a parent, and of those probably about 1 in 3 do it. And of those, well, from what I can gather only about 1 in 100 of those plan on doing the whole thing solo.

Is it any wonder?

Luck!

2009-11-14T13:57:00.003+11:00

Ok, so this might be a little off topic, but Friday the 13th really was lucky. Or well I suppose as lucky as you can be when you meet a great guy on his last day in Australia.

So just my luck, I'm heading off to the airport in an hour as Francesco flies back home to Italy. Well one night is better than no nights!

I suppose that maybe this blog won't always be about a single dad, maybe by the time I get to collect my little bundle(s) of joy I might not be doing it alone.

After all, you never know your luck....especially on Friday the 13th!

Friday the 13th

2009-11-13T18:46:00.019+11:00

13 is a lucky number to me, so after this I'm heading out...I need all the luck I can get! LOL

I've had lots of time to think about things, especially after Tuesday night's meeting.

The more I look into it, the less hesitation I have. I suppose one of the major breakthroughs I've had is in my choice of egg donor. After a few discussion with Ms M and a little bit of research thanks to Google Images, I think I would be quite happy with an Indian egg donor. I suppose what really changed my mind was when Ms M said that half Indians are really hot!!! LOL It wasn't something that I had thought about too much before.

It's such a delicate area of discussion, especially those that don't have a special interest who are able to shout racism as soon as someone like me questions the genetic makeup of my child.

Anyway, I'm heading out, it is Friday the 13th after all, I'm feeling lucky!

Doin' my part - Healthy Swimmers

2009-11-11T19:11:00.003+11:00

Time to get a little more personal than most people would wish, but there's not much use in heading off on this journey if I'm shooting blanks.....

So what am I doing to help this along. Well after a bit of reading, I'm sort of lucky as I seem to be already doing everything possible to maximise my so-called fertility potential.

Part of dealing/treating/coping with my allergy to garlic and subsequent nutritional malabsorption, I take daily doses of seemingly dozens of vitamins, especially mega-dosing of Vitamin C and fish oil.

So after a little reading, here's some of the recommendations to improve things:
Zinc - (a direct quote "Think of it as a manly mineral!") especially important in the production of testosterone. Low levels of zinc have proven to lead to significant drops in testosterone levels and sperm count.
Copper - increases the absorption of zinc - recommend 2mg.
Selenium - 100mg a day over 3 months has shown to increase sperm motility - swim you little bastards!
Vitamin E - 400IU twice a day has shown to decrease infertility - helps to mop up free radicals.
And the belle of the ball, Vitamin C - well this seems to be as close to a magic pill as you can find. Vitamin C has been shown to reduce the percentage of damaged/abnormal sperm, increase the sperm count and motility, protect the sperm genetic material from free-radical damage, decrease your own antibodies from clinging to your sperm and decrease agglutination (letting them swim freely).

Sure if you are leading a healthy life with a fully balance diet, then none of the above should be a problem.....so find me someone in this modern world who is!

And I have saved the best for last.....well at least for me. Alcohol and smoking are full-on toxic to male fertility, which is lucky for me....I've never smoked and I think I've drunk alcohol about once in the last two years!

The Meeting Place Dinner and Discussion

2009-11-10T23:04:00.040+11:00

I'm home from a Gay Dad Vic meeting. They usually meet once per month to discuss various issues or questions regarding gay dads. I've always seen them advertised but never got around to going. I'm so glad I did tonight. The two topics of discussion were co-parenting and Delhi surrogacy options.

I've never seriously considered co-parenting, but there was quite an informative talk regarding changes to the laws in Australia. Sort of makes me glad that I have always leant towards the surrogacy option.

The talk by Mr P & Mr T regarding surrogacy options in Delhi was amazing. They bought their two daughters along....nothing like bringing the clucky out in a room full of gay men wanting kids!

Mr P & Mr T, having already been through the process, have done a lot of fact-finding for those such as myself that hope to follow in their footsteps. I was only going to stay for the talk, but was enjoying myself so much, that I rang poor dad to turn around and I'd find my own way home.

So I met two other couples, one set from Sydney and the others from Mornington. So again, I was the only single guy there (though Mr P & Mr T have already helped another single guy to head off to India this Christmas).

The Mornington couple were looking into a co-parenting arrangement, though tonight's discussion seems to have given them some pause for thought. The Sydney couple seem keen on surrogacy and are planning on heading to India in March. I'm wondering if they'll mind me tagging along. March seems like a good time.

But I'm still not 100%, a few more doubts to clear up!

One lump or two.....buying in bulk!

2009-11-06T23:43:00.012+11:00

How many kids do I want? Nearly everyone has an ideal family size. If I was in a relationship and had unlimited funds for surrogacy, then my number is 7! Yes, that's right SEVEN.

I know it's not everyone's ideal, but I would love a huge family, the mayhem and chaos of kids across a range of ages. But since I'm doing this on my own and let's face it, money doesn't grow on trees, then I'd probably have to say two. One child would be so much easier to handle on my own, but well, it comes down to buying in bulk.

Doing this twice over would cost upwards of $60,000 where twins would be around $30,000 to $35,000.

So I'm aiming for and hoping for twins. Yes, I'm buying in bulk.....meet my kids Costco and Cash n' Carry!

Eggs....and not the googy kind

2009-11-05T21:05:00.054+11:00

When it comes to making a baby, there are three vital ingredients: egg, sperm and womb!

No matter how you go about it, or how simple or complicated you make it or it becomes, these are the three vital ingredients that every baby needs.

So, sperm.....tick! Got that one covered......just need a few tests to double check (more about that soon).

Womb, don't want to get ahead of myself, so this is almost one of the last things needed. More about that later.

Eggs! Wow this really is the first major decision that needs to be made. The choice of sperm is easy....me! For better or worse, my poor kid will have half my genes, meaning some of my looks and traits (could do worse) and this is a major attraction with surrogacy.

But when it comes to the biological mother, there are two main options: known and unknown donors.
My choice for known donors is quite small. I don't have a huge group of female friends, and the best donors are those in their 20s which narrows it even further. The main advantages with a known donor is that you know exactly what they look like, their personality traits and also their health (past and future). The disadvantages fall into two categories. That even the best of friendships can be strained by such a request or process, especially if your future friendship fails and secondly, it is quite an intrusive process to donate eggs, especially altruistically.

With all this in mind, I sat down with a very good friend Ms. M and managed to put the request forward. While I am confident that she will give this request a great deal of thought, I am still not confident. I just think it is too big an ask.

So where does this leave me.....well, with an unknown donor. Unknown in so much as I will learn the basic bare bones of the donor, but that's about all. I've never really had a problem with this option, however, I was always of the mindset of utilising a donor with a fair complexion to match my own. That was until I met my ex, who being Latino made me re-evaluate this idea, however, with him now out of the picture, the idea took root again.

So in most of my calculations, I always looked at the option of using a blonde, blue eyed, fair donor. This is usually feasible by a South African or Russian/Ukrainian donor that travels to India. But, this can add up to $15,000 to the whole process and it's not a guarantee. With only one income, this weighs heavily on me.

Where do babies come from?

2009-10-31T21:18:00.006+11:00

I suppose the mechanics of becoming a single dad might rate a mention - considering my lifestyle, the immaculate conception option is out the window.

So Gayby Making 101 (aka: Surrogacy options)

For those of you that might have missed out on the newsletter....I'm gay. Yes, a huge surprise that a huge slab of hetero acting man such as me could be doing the doofty with other boys...so now that we got that out of the way, how do I become a dad exactly.

There are pretty much three options for gay boys to become dads, adoption/fostering, the old fashion (and not so old fashioned way) and surrogacy.

I love the idea of adoption or fostering, I have three cousins who are adopted, however, adoption is a rare thing these days and fostering (or permanent care or whatever name they give it) does not guarantee a life long commitment, the best interest of the child are paramount, even if that means the child can return to the natural parents after many years of being bought up as your own child. Pass on this option.

The old fashioned way is when a boy and girl meet and like each other.....<interlude with angels singing>.....and nine months later out pops a baby. I've thought of this option, but everytime I meet a girl I seem more interested in hearing those angels singing when I imagine myself in bed with her boyfriend/brother/best male friend. So pass on this option.

The not so old fashioned way is what is currently termed 'co-parenting'. This is similar to option 1 and replaces the angels singing with a turkey baster. Custody is sometimes shared, parenting decisions can become a four or more way decision depending on mother's and father's relationship status and if there are any ex's involved at the start or during the process.

Again I considered this option but as most of you will know, I have very strong views on bringing up children and while I would share and compromise these decisions with my own partner, that would be as far as I could go, so a pass on this option.

So the only and best option left is surrogacy. And that brings its own set of complications and problems.

What is surrogacy. Well simplified. I fertilise a donated egg and pay someone to carry my child. In theory (and so far in practice) the child's parent would be only me (and my partner).

Up until about a year ago, surrogacy pretty much meant a trip to America and a price tag of $150,000 to $200,000. This has been the major stumbling block to me so far. There was hope that changes to the law in Australia would make this an option in Oz, but not so far.

So that finally brings us to India. Pretty much starting last year, more and more gay men have been heading off to India to utilise the low cost coupled with the high medical standards to realise their dream of being a dad.

When will the stork stop by?

2009-10-30T21:09:00.042+11:00

It's one thing to decide to have kids, its another on when to actually have them. I get to plan the date a little bit more than those that leave it up to nature. Once I get the process started, if lucky the baby/ies will be born nine months after implantation.

So let's just cross our fingers and hope that everything goes according to plan. I have my heart set on being a dad sometime in late April early May 2011.

Why then? Why not! It'll be just after my 38 birthday. When I was in my 20s I always said I'd start this when I turned 30. When I got there, I said I would be happy to start at 35. When I got there.....well let's just say that there was a lot going on, so I put the idea on the backburner a bit.....I didn't want to say 40, but looking around at the wreck my life had become, 40 seemed like a good estimate.

But then I started to realise that I was sick of waiting and that when I got to 40, I'd probably just push it back again and again.

So aiming to be a dad at 38 actually starts to feel a little like a victory as I had started to give up on becoming a dad in my 30s.

I don't consider 38 too old to be a dad. My parents were 30 when I was born and that was in the early 70s. I've certainly met guys older than me who become dads. And having lived in Werribee, I have certainly come across many a dad at a younger age.

What's in a name?

2009-10-28T19:00:00.001+11:00

Most of my research up till now has been on choosing a name. I actually have a long list of names. Some that I like, some that just make me think. The luck in becoming a single dad is that I don't have to compromise on the name I want, but I also lack a sounding board that can be open and honest with an opinion. Some people are open and proclaim their chosen name/names early in the pregnancy. Others keep the name private, in their words, it's hard to criticise a name when you meet the baby.

I fall into the second category. A name that I loved for a while was quickly destroyed by an off the cuff remark by a friend. I suppose I can be thankful that I heard the criticism before my son was born as I would probably have regretted the choice now. So there's pros and cons no matter what you do.

I came across a name at work today that got me thinking, and my favourite boy's name has now been downgraded to number 2. So I now have two boy's names, one that I have been in love with for nearly 10 years and the other for less than 10 hours. Time will tell if they win out, watch this space in early 2011.

Girl's names on the other hand....not as easy. There's a name I like but fingers crossed I have a boy.

One thing is for sure, I won't be using the other name I came across at work..... Shar'ron....yes that is correct:
Shar - Ron

As if plain old Sharon wasn't good enough!

It's a Friday night

2009-10-24T22:46:00.002+11:00

Well, its a Friday night! Am I out partying.....or trying to meet someone. Nope! I'm home (or as much as living at my parent's is home) sitting on the couch once again surfing surrogacy on the net.

For many years now, most of my friends and even complete strangers have heard about my desire to be a dad. I've spent plenty of time umming and ahhing about it and even done some research, but to be honest the time never seemed right.

So here I am sitting on the couch, not some random bar stool and once again surfing the web gleaning as much information as I can from the dross that makes up the internet.

So here is the story of my journey. I'm pretty sure that this time I'm for real!

Why? Well sometimes the planets align and before you know it, instead of trying to plan a baby around my life, I start to plan my life around a baby.

I hope you enjoy the journey as much as I hopefully will.